Queens of Random

Above you see Nick Snider.  On the left you are seeing his booking photo.  On the right, a modelling shot.  Nick was named the fifth most successful male model by Forbes in 2008.  His behavior was far from model last weekend in Arkansas, when he was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.

As the officer was arresting him Nick said, “I am a very famous model.  If you stop this, I will suck your dick and balls.”  Officer Brian Luetschwager of the Bateseville, Arkansas police department declined.  But Nick wasn’t done!  When he was being processed at the jail, he also offered to blow the processor if they would let him go.  So now, in addition to being drunk and disorderly, he has also been charged with attempting to influence public servants.

Not only was he dumb enough to proposition them, he did this is ARKANSAS! In addition to being the home state of former President Bill Clinton, Arkansas also is famous for the fact that oral sex was ILLEGAL until 2002. 

Snider pleaded not guilty to the three misdemeanor counts during an appearance Wednesday in Independence County District Court. He is free on $780 bond and has to return to Arkansas for a February 17 trial.

(Credit: M Jacobson – SeeMikeDraw.wordpress.com)

The Wizard of Oz is one of my faves, but I just couldn’t pass this sh*t up…

OPI (my fave nailpolish brand, FYI) has released four super chic colors: Absolutely Alice, Mad as a Hatter, Off With Her Red! and Thanks So Muchness.   I already ordered “Off With Her Red!”

But, as cool as the nail-polish is… prepare your eyes for the fucking geniosity that Urban Decay has cooked up:

The above is called “The Book of Shadows- Alice in Wonderland.” I want this so bad, I can taste it.  And it’s all sold out on Urban Decay!!! Why!?!?!!  You can still get it on ebay for $100 and up.

I love both of these things because they aren’t your typical boring merch.  Having said that, if Tim Burton wants to make some real cash, he can rent Johnny Depp’s HOT ASS out by the hour.  I’d pay.  (Don’t kid yourself- you would too!!)

I want!!

  Liz Silver runs the site rpulse.com and has been in a well documented dispute with Mario Lavendeira (AKA: Perez Hilton) for several years.  Last month, Silver has posted a piece of documentation on her site that clearly states that Mario has not been the sole owner of the site since 2007.

http://rpulse.com/exclusive-mario-lavandeira-has-not-owned-perezhilton-com-for-years/

Reading over the documentation,it seems possible that Liz Silver is making a huge (and false) assumption that Mario sold the site to a third party.  The way I read the documents, I think that Mario created a “Limited Liability Company”, likely with his mother and sister, so that he is not PERSONALLY responsible for any lawsuits. 

The most interesting part of this is that many, many articles seem to be pointing to one thing: Perez is no longer the only author on Perez Hilton.  His sister has been writing, and it is believed that he also has one or two “ghost” writers. 

It seems like things between rpulse.com owner Liz Silver and Perez Hilton have gotten personal.  Mario sued Liz over the name of her previous site perezrevenge.com.  He won that suit in May on 2009, and if you type perezrevenge.com in to your browser, you will automatically be taken to perezhilton.com.  It is ironic that Mario sued over the name of her site, when you consider the fact that his first crack at a site was a take off on Page Six, titled pagesixsixsix.  

The bad blood between Mario and Liz is pretty damn epic.  She actually published his home address on her site.  http://rpulse.com/mario-lavandeira-says-mi-demanda-es-su-demanda-home-address/

I know Perez can be hella annoying, but you really can not deny the fact that he branded the shit out of himself, and it worked.  I don’t think it would be possible for him to personally generate the content of his site.  He is now the “author” of 2 books, he is constantly self promoting, he does TV shows, club appearances and the like- if he was also writing the blog, he’d never be getting any sleep.

So, I guess the question is: Did Perez sell his site to a third party? Or is he still involved?

A great game was matched with some Okay commercials during the 2010 Super Bowl XLIV.  Here’s a highlight of the night’s game, the entertainment, and some of my favorite (and not so favorite) commercials.

Quarter 1

The game got off to a slow start and a poor outlook for the New Orleans Saints.  Peyton and the Colts dominated the field, but were held by the Saints’ defense to settle for a field goal.  Before the quarter ended, the Colts scored an additional touchdown to total an unanswered 10 points to the Saints’ null.

As for commercials, Doritos started the night off quite well with their three spots in the first quarter.  (Which leads me to ask: with all the commercial time PLUS the Halftime sponsorship, how much did they spend tonight??)  My favorite of the three, and the unanimous winner for the quarter, was the reverse dog collar.

That might of been my favorite for the whole night.  Other contenders for funniest commercial this quarter included the Bud Light commercials.  One involved the Bud Light House.  Another, and end of the world scenario in an observatory.  (Was that the Myles dad from Lost?)  The Simpsons’ Coke commercial was okay, but nothing spectacular.  I would have loved to have NOT seen any GoDaddy.com commercials during the night.  Oh, and let’s not forget the first Super Bowl commercial piece.  A successfully funny Snickers commercial featuring the awesome Betty White and Abe Vigoda.

We also had the controversial premier of the pro-life spot this quarter.  I blinked and missed half of it.  Wasn’t so bad, I guess?  I’ll have to give it another look though…

Quarter 2

The end of the first half wrapped up as slowly as the first quarter.  The Saints responded to the Colts with two field goals.  That was it.  The first half ended 6-10, Colts.

As the second quarter was expectedly longer than the first, there were that many more commercials.  One of the first was the Bridgestone Orca spot.  Was that supposed to be a reference to The Hangover?  While I screamed “Free Willy!” at the TV, the commercial didn’t do that much for me.  Sheldon, from The Big Bang Theory, “hacked” into the Super Bowl for a cute BBT shout out.  What was with no pants this quarter?  Both CareerBuilder.com and Dockers (one after the other) flaunted half naked people.  Bud Light hits again with a LOST-like spot where survivors chose booze over a quick save.  I was psyched to see the Alice in Wonderland trailer pop up along with the previously leaked Harry Potter World preview.  The winner this quarter for me, though, was the TruTV: NFL Full Contact commercial starring “Punxsutawney Polamalu.”

HALFTIME

The Who performed…  Wow, they are OLD.  It showed.  I can’t even get around that.  The light show and stage set-up were amazing.  Towards the end of the performance, the vocal sound improved.  But, man!  Did that look like it took a lot out of them!  We pondered how much they got payed for the gig… A year’s worth of medication?  ”Look, you play our Super Bowl, we’ll pay to keep you alive another year.”  Next year, they’ll be bringing people back from the dead, rather that on the verge of.  Johnny Cash and MJ?

As for the few commercials, I was super excited to see the preview for HBO and Tom Hanks’ Band of Brothers follow up: The Pacific!  (The following not the version shown during the Super Bowl.)

Quarter 3

The game really starts to pick during the third quarter.  The Saints gain field time, while Peyton becomes a part of the background.  Colts retain the lead with 16-17 going into the final quarter of the game.

I was torn between two commercials as my favorite for quarter 3.  One was the Volkswagon commercial featuring “punch buggies.”  Only, they showed all VWs as being punch-worthy…  Totally not how it goes.  But, to save the commercial, Stevie Wonder punches Tracy Morgan in the arm yelling, “Red one!”  Tracy asks him how he keeps doing that.  I couldn’t stop laughing.   The second commercial was a HomeAway.com one featuring the Griswolds!  Big “Vacation” fan here.  The Coke commercial this time around, with the safari sleepwalker, did nothing for me.  Barney, from HIMYM, gave out his phone number (1-877-987-6401.  I called.)  We laughed at the eTrade “milkaholic” bit, Denny’s Grand Slam chicken screamers and Motorolla’s Megan Fox.  It was a good quarter.  Hmm… I’ll show you the Griswolds  (Watch the whole mini movie at HomeAway.com or YouTube…)

Quarter 4

Here at last!  Okay, the final quarter of the game was AMAZING.  Truly Super Bowl worthy!  The Colts, at first, make it look like the game is going to be theirs.  But Drew Brees, Jeremy Shockey, an amazing interception, and an even more impressive cirque-du-soleil-worthy flip into a two-point converstion, and the Saints secure a Super Bowl win!  Well worth watching.

At this point, I had kind of given up on the commercial watching-too caught up in the actual game.  None of them really stood out to me.  Oops!  How about you just tell me your favorite commercial instead?  K, thanks, Good night, loves!

Congratulations, Saints!

This isn’t from ebay or even craigslist…. It’s from Amazon!!  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0037GJSTS

Check this description:  This is an AMAZING Montage. You won’t see anything like this ANYWHERE. Please don’t fall for cheap imitations. I am the original. From a distance this looks like a picture of Flo but look closer. Its actually mini-pictures that are 1/4 inch by 1/4 inch with remarkable detail (click on “close up” image). The mini-pictures are of beautiful flowers of every variety, style, angle and color. I have gathered and arranged these very carefully myself. This is for the true collector. The entire item is 8 1/2 inches by 11 inches and perfect for framing. I guarantee this to be high quality and authentic. The uniqueness of this item cannot be understood truly until you see it in person.

For just $14.99 Flo can hang in your home!  Would you buy this piece of pop-culture art?  I would… if the Flo they used was Original Flo from the 70’s TV classic, “Alice.”  Flo was everyones favorite wise-crackin, no B.S. waitress.  You’d remember her catch phrase as “Kiss My Grits.”  Classic.

I like to think that I am pretty creative, but this takes it to an 11.  The clever folks over at “The Catty Shack” in South Carolina figured out how to use the hair of super soft cats and angora bunnies to create lasting keepsakes.  The process isn’t cheap: each one of these purses costs about $300.  Although “The Catty Shack” only grooms cats, by popular request they have started to create with dog hair too!  I saw this on Animal Planet and absolutely had to share it on the blog.

Check out more of the creations at: http://cattyshackcreations.com/09/

Apparently the reactions are either Ewww or Awwww.  I’m kind of in-between.  I wouldn’t want to carry my cat around, but I also wouldn’t stuff and mount the head of a ginormous animal that I killed.  So, to each his/her own.

I’m all “ew” on this one…  Maybe if the bags weren’t so ugly.  [shrug]

As Super Bowl XLIV is minutes away, here’s just a couple key items you can expect from tonight:

Indianapolis Colts vs New Orleans Saints: Duh, that’s what the night’s primarily about.  I’m rooting for the Saints on this one, but I know it’s going to be a tough ride for them.  Peyton Manning needs to be sacked early and often.  The Saints defense has to be on and steady.  It could be a really interesting game, or a shutout.  We’ll have to see.
Super Bowl Halftime Show:  In the years since Nipplegate, the Super Bowl has gone out of its way to use a bunch of old guys as the “safe” entertainment choice.  While the quality has been there, the wow factor has been low.  This year, the show features The Who.  I can’t really say anything here.  The Who are great, not my faves that I like to rock out to, but never-the-less an impressive bill.  But, like the Boss and the Stones before them, the fun factor just isn’t there for me.  I’ll probably take my bathroom break during this time.
The Commercials: At the top of the list to look for is the already controversial pro-life piece featuring Tim Tebow.  It’s supposed to provide a tear-jerking story from his mother, but…I don’t want to see it during my football time.  Sorry.

Look for some commentary on the above mentioned pieces following the game.

Who are you rooting for?  What’s your favorite part of the night?

Her name is Roxxxy TrueCompanion, and she looks to be a blend of Nancy Spungen, Lady Gaga, Chrissie Hynde, Mackenize Phillips and Alexis Arquette.  (I love that you mentioned a resemblance to Gaga and Arquette.  Gaga’s makeupfor one of her costumes for the Grammy’s had her looking just like Alexis Arquette!  Only Arquette does it better…) Or, what the bloated cadaver of a deceased prostitute would look like.  But, if you can get past the repulsive face and you have seven thousand dollars put aside to buy a robotic girlfriend, Roxxxy is all yours for sexy times.

Above we get a full look at Roxxxy with her inventor, Douglas Hines. Hines is from Lincoln Park, New Jersey and he claims to be happily married, but his wife might want to check is Visa card for transactions at Drag Queen clubs.  Is it just me or does Roxxxy look like a tranned up version of him?

Powered by a computer under her silicone “skin,” Roxxxy employs voice-recognition software to answer questions and carry on conversations. She even comes loaded with five distinct “personalities,” from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy.  Umm… If your going to shell out 7k for a fuckbot, why the hell would you want the Frigid Farrah personality?

Roxxxy’s body is made from hypoallergenic silicone  molded over a rigid skeleton. She cannot move on her own but can be contorted into almost any natural (?)  position.

Roxxxy runs on a self-contained battery that lasts about three hours on one charge.  Owners recharge Roxxxy with an electrical cord that plugs into her back.  Fuck.  That is sexy.  HA!!!

A motor in her chest pumps heated air through a tube that winds through the robot’s body, which Hines says keeps her warm to the touch. Roxxxy also has sensors in her hands and genital areas  that will trigger vocal responses from her when touched. She even shudders to simulate orgasm.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer.

Roxxxy won’t be available for delivery for several months, but Hines is taking pre-orders through his Web site, TrueCompanion.com, where thousands of men have signed up.

“They’re like, ‘I can’t wait to meet her,’ ” Hines said. Meet her?  Dude.  Come on.  She isn’t REAL, and while she may be able to hold a better conversation than Britney Spears, she isn’t going to be what you would call a real linguist.  (HAHAHA- sorry, I had to)

Sit like a lady Roxxxy!

Here’s my main question: Why does “Roxxxy” look like a victim of spousal abuse?  Her jaw and lower lip look like the product of taking a few heavy blows to the face.  Wtf?  Oh, and the creator looks like a MAJOR creepy-creep.  Just saying…

This only proves, 1 more time, how random we both are- because I also thought it looked like she took a bunch of blows to the head.   I look at the creator and wonder how many times he saw “Weird Science”….. and how often he tests the merch. 

Kia Motors is premiering a sixty second spot during this years Superbowl to showcase their new and improved Kia Sorento. 

If you aren’t a parent or you haven’t spent any time recently with a child under the age of five, you are wondering who the genius is that  successfully pitched the concept of an over-sized red ribbed dildo sticking it’s head out of a sunroof and waiving it’s arms to sell a car. 

But here is the rub.  (hehehe)  That giant red ribbed dildo is none other than “Muno” of “Yo Gabba Gabba” fame.  And when my niece sees this add, she’s going to beg for a Kia.  So, whoever pitched this is a diabolical fucking genius!

They were even smart enough to choose the right character.  For those of you not “in the know”, let me break it down for you.

First up we have DJ Lance Rock.  Now, my niece would love to buy a car that he did a commercial for, but a lot of people see him and assume “70’s flashback.”  In the back, from left to right, we have Muno (The Kia Spokes-dildo) followed by Foofa.  Foofa is shaped like a butt-plug and seems a little too happy, if you know what I mean.  Next to Foofa is Plex.  Face it, no ones ready to buy a car from a robot.  Unless that robot is Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Next to Plex we have Brobee.  Brobee is miserable a lot and the whole gang needs to jump in and show him/her/it how to be happy.  Or share.  Last but not least is Todee.  Todee is a little mischievous, and can get on peoples nerves.  That left Muno.  Muno is fun and happy.  Mom and Dad like him because he gives them a good chuckle, and your kids like him because he’s MUNO! 

All in all, I think Kia made a good decision putting Muno in the commercial.  They will definitely get their five million dollars worth, even if it is only because people will be spitting their beers on to their screens and yelling, “Honey, do you see that there dildo ridin in that there foreign vee-hick-ull?