Queens of Random

Paula Abdul has been tapped to host the newly revamped STAR SEARCH.  Star Search was originally hosted by Ed McMahon back in the 80’s and showcased talent like Rosie O’Donnell, Christina Aguilera,  Aaliyah, Dave Chapelle, Dennis Miller and Britney Spears- just to name a few.  Star Search was redone again in 2004 with Paula’s ex-boyfriend, Arsenio Hall.

Paula Abdul’s “Star Search” will air this summer on ABC.  There is no word as to whether this will affect her rumored participation in Simon Cowell’s “X Factor” in the fall.

Oh, Paris.  You gave us some real gems this year! 

The Alexander McQueen Line presented this martian looking get-up.  So bright, even her face is shiny.

Maison Martin Margiela presented  half a “bear fucking died on your back” and half a “my new home is under this pelt” look.  I can’t help wonder how much this weighs.  Also, it is extremely reminiscent of the “monsters” in the movie “The Village.”

Galliano debuted the worlds most gigantic snow hat.  Fucker is HUGE.

Karl Lagerfeld seemed to be channeling his inner goat?

Chloe’s inspiration definitely seems to be Jesus.

Vivienne Westwood.  Umm. Eyebrows? Sharpie markers?  Whoa.

Giambattista Valli’s creation was really… POOFY.

Jean Paul Gaultier’s hats…. well, let’s just say they make a statement.  The first one is like an eskimo on steroids, and the second is reminding me of pedobear.

Yves Saint Laurent seems to have been inspired by the 60’s tv classic “The Flying Nun.”

This Marithe and Francois Girbaud creation is crazy from head to toe.  It’s just completely thrashed.

What is your favorite of all the looks debuted during Paris Fashion Week?

Yeah… so, last week, my cousin tells me about this site called chatroulette.  She says it’s pretty funny, and leaves it at that.  I go on to check it out and……. OH.  MY. GOD .

My completely unscientific research revealed that chatroulette is FUCKED UP!!  In just 8 minutes I saw about 23 penises.  For real.  I also saw 11 signs that read “SHOW ME YOUR TITS”.  There was ONE normal person on who wanted to chat about music.  And that was all.  I’m all like, let’s stay away from chatroulette.  It’s scary!!!!

The funnies above are chatroulette wins- they are definitely the MINORITY of what goes on over there.

Ah, you missed my FAVORITE Chatroulette video!! Click here.

hahahahahah that is awesome!!

Twenty-three year old Lee Deitrick of Stark County Ohio was arrested on a felony child endangerment charge after he applied a dime sized tattoo of the letter A on a one year olds rear end.

The toddler was brought to his home by a sixteen year old female relative who was babysitting the child at the time.  This happened back in November of 2009, but is only hitting the press now.  Not sure why.

How awful is this story?  How could you do that to a baby?!?  I have tattoos, and they hurt.  My blood curdles even imagining doing such a thing to a defenseless child with such fragile skin.

Deitrick was arraigned yesterday and faces up to five years.  Interestingly, one year olds parents are NOT the ones who notified authorities.  A social workers at the Stark County Department of Job and Family Services was the one who blew the whistle.  The sheriff says it does not appear, however, that the parents gave permission for the child to be tattooed.

The final mystery?  Why the letter A.  No one seems to know.

Strap in, because I’m going on a rant.  Vapid stupid assholes like Rielle Hunter make me want to punch things.

John Edwards mistress has decided to break her silence in a rage inducing piece in this months GQ.  Writer Lisa DePaulo did an absolute shiteous job of interviewing her- basically it’s as if  she and “Rielle” (Real Name LISA JO DRUCK) are best buds- Lisa even comments that Rielle is “prettier” and “softer” than she appears in The Enquirer.  Really?  Cause she still looks ass ugly in this spread.  Reading the article you know right from this first paragraph, that the writer had a bias against former Edwards aide (and “The Politician” author) Andrew Young.  She immediately takes a pot shot at him saying “We’ve heard (bleh) from Andrew Young.”  Seemed a bit extreme, until all the facts came out.  Turns out, the author of the GQ piece was originally involved in the writing of “The Politician”, but for some reason she and Young parted ways.  Perhaps it was because DePaulo is not what one would call a gifted writer.  (Which isn’t to say that Andrew Young and whoever his ghost writer ended up being are- having read “The Politician”, I can safely say that there are 6th graders who could have pieced together a better narrative)

The long and the short of it is that Rielle takes NO responsibility for anything.  She and “Johnny” are genuinely in love.  They had to do what they did, the attraction was just too powerful.  She takes shot after shot at Elizabeth Edwards, saying that the problems in the Edwards marriage started over “two and a half decades ago.”  CLASSY.  I guess Rielle doesn’t care about the fact that one day Elizabeth’s children will read that. 

Rielle has basically cast herself in the “hooker with the heart of gold” role.  She uses the same tired ass excuse for adultery that has been used since the crusades: the wife wasn’t satisfying her husband.  She was emasculating him.  “Johnny” (yes, she really makes him sound like a retarded toddler) didn’t want to be President- Elizabeth forced him to run.  Johnny is practically perfect in every way, and all the mistakes and missteps came as he tried to avoid the “wrath of Elizabeth”.  The pictures that Rielle paints is of a monstrous, evil wife who controlled her husband.  But don’t worry, Rielle sees what a treasure he really is, and she is there to stand by her man.  YAWN.

Here are some of the gems this kook ass dropped during the interview:

On why she has not spoken out before this

…”had I spoken, I would have emasculated him. And I could not emasculate him. Also, it is not my desire to teach my daughter that when Mommy’s upset with Daddy, you take matters into your own hands and fix Daddy’s mistakes. Which I view as one of the biggest problems in all female-and-male relationships.”

On what the “business” card she handed “Johnny” on the first night they met said.  My card read:  ”Rielle Hunter: BEING IS FREE“.  (OMG. Seriously?!?!?! John Edwards is a FUCKING MORON)

On Johnny’s new life:  “Everyone talks about how Johnny has fallen from grace. In reality, he’s fallen to grace. He is integrated. He is living a life of truth.”  (She uses the word integrate a lot, to hilarious effect.  She genuinely seems to believe that she is some evolved, enlightened being, and she likes to throw new age mumbo jumbo out left and right.  True New Agers are reading this story and laughing.  She is the anthesis of new age.  A total poser just playing a part, right on down to her putting a book of Zen sayings next to the interviewers bed.)

On having sex with him the first night she met him:  “I used to make a joke that I could have helped save the world, but I had to sleep with him. You know? It was kind of like that.”

Her feelings on infidelity:  “Before I met Johnny, I had a lot of judgment about infidelity. Now I have a much deeper and greater understanding and acceptance of people’s processes. It’s hard and complicated for a lot of people to pull the Band-Aid off, so to speak. So I did have problems with it. Many. But once again, the force field of our love overrode any issues that would arise from my belief systems …”

The funniest/most disturbing part of the interview happens right here:

When did Johnny start to tell you that there were problems in his marriage?
Well, I was aware of it from the get-go. He doesn’t lie to me.  (Or, like every cheating asshole on earth, that is the FIRST thing he tells people he’s about to put his dick in.)

How can you be sure?
He doesn’t lie to me. He discloses everything to me. And he has no fear of lying to me. Part of the problem—it’s the fear of what’s gonna happen that causes the lie. And the hiding. The fear of the repercussions. And, well, first of all, infidelity doesn’t happen in healthy marriages. The break in the marriage happens before the infidelity. And that break happened, you know, two and a half decades before I got there. So the home was wrecked already. I was not the Home Wrecker.  (It’s fine everyone.  She’s not responsible for anything that happened. He cheated because Elizabeth was a bad wife.)

So you have enough of a bond with him that, even though you know he’s lied to his wife and his state and the country, you really never worry that he will lie to you?
No. He does not lie to me. At all.  (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

Because he doesn’t have to worry about the repercussions?
He’s not afraid of me. He’ll tell me anything and everything. Even disclosing to me when women hit on him, and everything that was said, and if he flirted. He has no fear that I’m going to abuse him. (Soooo… Elizabeth was abusing him?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  This fucking pussy was running to be leader of the free world, and he could not even take a stand with his DYING WIFE?!?!?!)  And I believe what happened in his marriage is, he could not go to his wife and say, “We have an issue.” Because he would be pummeled.(You know how those chemo patients are.  It’s like roid rage.  She might have slapped his $800 hairdo out of place)  So he had a huge fear. Most of his mistakes or errors in judgment were because of his fear of the wrath of Elizabeth. He’s allowed himself to be pushed into a lot of things that he wouldn’t normally do because of Elizabeth’s story line. And the spin that she wants to put out there. He was emasculated. And you know, the wrath of Elizabeth is a mighty wrath. (Just had to throw Elizabeth under the bus again!  It’s always the wifes fault. Always.  The script never changes. No exceptions.)

How were you able to reconcile learning these things about her, from him, at the same time knowing that she’s ill?
Well, his relationship with her and the problems in it really had nothing to do with me. You remove me from the equation and they still exist. They existed before I was there. They’re still existing. His dynamic with me is completely different.  (subtext: Rielle is just better for him because she is more evolved and she is not abusive)

I walked away from this article completely disgusted.  Elizabeth Edwards could be one of the worlds biggest assholes, but no one deserves to have their husbands whore blabbing to the nation.  It’s humiliating.  And even worse, his children are going to read that some day.  (Including his daughter with Rielle, Frances Quinn)

  The pictures are pure shit show too!!  She’s a forty-five year old husband stealing slut, and no amount of lipstick on the pig is going to make it any better.  The pearl necklace just makes it funnier. 

As for the daughter Johnny and Rielle (AKA LISA JO) have together,  you have to feel really bad for her.  “Quinnie” is going to be swallowing some shit in future years, since Rielle ran her mouth and said that she thinks that Johnny wanted her to get an abortion.  Talk about papa don’t preach!

Oh, and if you were thinking Lisa Jo  Rielle was the first vadge he dipped his stick in to while he was married, don’t.  Rielle says he was banging other broads.  I guess those other fuckbuddies didn’t have the “connection” that she and Johnny have.  Once again, she is fine with this.  She seems to feel it gives her even more of a pass for her poor behavior.

Update: Barbara Walters (Baba Wawa) says that she talked to Rielle over the weekend, and she is just distraught over these pictures.

Lisa DePaulo said Monday that she spoke with Hunter Sunday night. “She said she liked the interview, but she had mixed feelings about the photos.”  ”She loves the pictures of her and Quinn, but was definitely unsure about what she should have done about the other photos. I think in time she will come to see those photos as beautiful. I think it’s cool that’s she’s pretty and sexy.”  Seriously.  Is Lisa DePaulo in love with Rielle?  Could she get her tongue further up her asshole?

Somebody call a waaaaahmbulance.   Little crybabyRielle  is so upset, she told Baba Wawa that she cried for TWO HOURS over these pictures.  I wonder if she’s upset in the same way you would be if your husband of thirty years cheated on you with this whacked out slut?

Hey, Lisa Joe  Rielle:  YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW WHEN YOU PLANT THE SEED.   That’s what new agers actually believe- not to mention Buddha, the Dalai Llama and Jesus.  Just sayin.

Article Excerpts From:  http://www.gq.com/news-politics/politics/201004/rielle-hunter-john-edwards-exclusive-interview?currentPage=1

The bad news?  It opened in fourth place behind (1) Alice in Wonderland <SIXTY-TWO MILLION dollars!!> (2) Green Zone <14.5 million> and (3) She’s Out of My League <9.6 Million>.

The good news?  Remember Me only cost 16 million to make, so there seems to me no doubt that Summit Entertainment will see that investment returned. 

Did you see Remember Me, or did you forget?

Philip Levine started losing his hair early, but he had no interest in getting a rug for his head.  Instead, he decided to make his head a canvas for some pretty bad-ass art.  He chose Kat Sinclair loose on his head and magic was made.  The creations generally take about two hours to create.  I say KUDOS!!  This is so cool.

Megan Mariah Barnes was arrested in Florida after she rear ended a pick-up truck while shaving her vag.  Yep. This is a true story. 

Megan was on the way to see her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be “ready” for him.  So, while she was driving, she had her EX HUSBAND take the wheel and she went to town and started shaving down.  After the accident she drove half a mile down the road and then  jumped in to the backseat and the ex slid over, but the cops caught on to this fuckery because the burns on her ex-husbands chest were from the passenger side airbag deploying.  The drivers side air bag never did.  The cops also got wise when they found a pile of pubes on the drivers seat, a can of lady shaving cream and a daisy razor. (Kidding with that last sentence)

To make matters even worse, Megan’s arrest came ONE day after she was convicted of driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.  Her license was supposed to have been revoked for five years and her car, impounded.  Yet the next day this stupid-ass was out driving and shaving her beaver.

Can you LOOK at this nut?!?!?!?  First of all, I seriously thought it was a transvestite at first.  She’s very manly, maaaan.  Instead of shaving her crotch, she might have wanted to dye her horrific roots.  Just sayin.

Would you ever shave your privates while driving?

I had really wanted Remember Me to be the film that turned Pattinson’s professional outlook around.  Let’s be honest, his acting skills haven’t been blowing anyone away.  For those who’d like to try to argue with me, the only reason he’s been twisting panties is due to the character he portrays…  And even the character has been steeply downgraded for me since the film came out.  (Ladies, try to keep the screaming and arm flailing to a minimum.)

Anyway, I read a pretty funny review from E!Online (where they give the film a D.)  I don’t think I’ll be seeing this film afterall… However, some of the lines in this article are howl worthy.  I’ll highlight them for the skimmers:

Review in a Hurry: A rich student attending the James Dean School of Brooding (Robert Pattinson) falls for a shaggy girl from the other side of the tracks (Emilie de Ravin). The result: Tear-jerking histrionics squarely aimed at the high-school set, with turgid pacing, a borderline offensive ending (?) and performances ranging from overblown to vaudevillian.

The Bigger Picture: Remember Me is the story of Tyler (Pattinson), a brooding New York college student who smokes cigarettes on his fire escape, shaves intermittently, writes tortured thoughts to his dead brother in a leather-bound journal, and has a tattoo of said dead brother on his chest. In other words, Tyler appears to have been created by a focus group made up of lovelorn 14-year-old girls. (favorite line!)

After our hero gets into a scrape with an officer from Queens, roommate Aidan (a hyperschticky Tate Ellington) suggests that Tyler romance the cop’s daughter, Ally (de Ravin). Ally has her own baggage, having witnessed her mom’s murder on a subway platform. The two of them eventually hook up, but only after both Ally and Tyler happen to have suffered minor facial injuries. (They’re both bruised souls. Get it? Get it?)

Everything in this movie is hyped as a mega-major deal. When Tyler’s little sister, Caroline, (Ruby Jerins) gets her hair cut by mean schoolmates, the musical score dips to the tragedy level of a fatal car accident; estranged father Charles (Pierce Brosnan) rushes to be near Caroline, and Tyler will not leave Caroline’s side until she falls asleep.

Finally, real tragedy comes around.

Given all the marketing surrounding the flick, it’s no spoiler to say it involves Sept. 11. But the use of those history-changing attacks—as, essentially, a vehicle for tear-jerking romance—feels cheap and manipulative. It’s very telling that during the film’s heaviest scenes—including the couple’s first kiss and the climax—the audience members as a press screening didn’t cry. They laughed.

The 180—a Second Opinion: If you thought New Moon was genius, this movie will be your Casablanca.

Take this outside review for what it is, whether that be a warning or a laugh, but it convinced me to save my $20.

Yep- sounds as though the writing, directing and editing were crap.

LOVE this!!

This is awesome, Vic.  How many people’s pictures do you all think of while watching this?

I know!!  Every teenager on myspace uses these rules to get their profile pix.